I went out to dinner in Amsterdam and my date insisted on splitting the bill

I still don’t know y.

I’m a bad gardener.

It has too many plot holes.

I'm proud to announce the results came back A+

Who cares if they're stupid, I'm still going to eat them anyway. (Credit: Gary Delaney)

Because worst days are f*ing them hard

Among the more famous mathemeticians in history, like Descartes, or Newton, Liebnitz, or Fibonnacci, there as a fellow who is somwhat less well known named DeHorst. . Helmholt DeHorst lived in the early 1500's. Like his contemporary René Descartes, he prseneted many papers at the Royal Society. One of his special interests was charts and graphs, but his rival René beat him to it with his Cartesian system of coordinates. This is why math historians always put Descartes before DeHorst.

Because he was hoping for a panter or a moaner

When E got first place, it eats. When E got last place, it ate. When E didn't show up, where is E at?

He says to her, “Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100 dollars?” “Are you nuts?!” she replies, and keeps walking. He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does. “Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?” he asks again. “Listen you; I’m not that kind of woman! Got it?” So the guy runs around the next block and faces her again. “Would you let me bite your breasts just once for $10,000 dollars?” She thinks about it for a while and says, “Hmm, $10,000 dollars, eh? Ok, just once, but not here. Let’s go to that dark alley over there.” So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them, but not biting them. The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, “Well? Are you gonna bite them or not?” “Nah”, he replies. “Costs too much…”